Weird mood today, leftover from last night.

Woke up to a nightmare. Don't remember much but the sun was shining a very southwestern hue all over the place and that a man with a tiny penis that was replacing his mouth was scaring and irritating me. He worked for Manila PD and was ready to arrest us. Woke up and realized that the penis-mouthed cop was speaking the words of Big Daddy Kane, which was playing on my laptop.

Walking out the restaurant last night, I turned around and saw Brian laughing at a group of people at the table. "You wanna start some shit," he asked. Apparently they told us to go back to America. "We're the O.G.'s" they told him. I asked them who they were and he pointed towards a long table full of dudes and chicks. I looked through the window and I saw one of them was looking straight at me. I saluted him, he smiled back and turned around. I don't even know if it was them. It makes me realize no matter how hard I try, I'm never going to be accepted over here.

My t-shirts feel tighter and I've been drinking heavy amounts of liquor. I can't wait for school to start up again.

I've got massive writer's block.

I saw some ladies last night that should be having my baby, baby.

I have concepts in my head and when I write them nothing comes out. Watched "Stranger Than Fiction" and cried a little. Took a walk and decided I was in love but not sure with who or what. Walked down this paved path placed between long stretches of grass. There were kids sneaking a joint, playing badminton and flying kites. I had my hands in my pockets, hoping not to interrupt the serenity. I felt like a stained blotch on a once-perfect painting.

I motivate myself in the mirror, talking to my reflection and thinking I should probably shave.

My current obsession is wrestling-based again. Downloaded and listened to Jamie Dundee/JC Ice's interview. Jamie Dundee called wrestlers a mafia in the early 80's because of the level of secrecy of it being a fake. The thing is if you watch it now, you can tell how cooperative the moves where even then. The marks watching the shows; the rednecks and old ladies and little cheering black children, they weren't stupid for not getting emotionally involved in grown men fake fighting. They wanted to believe and they did. I envy their faith. I am more interested in how the wrestlers manipulated those crowds. I don't want to make it too romanticized as the whole goal was to make money. There is no more mythology, only gossip. The more I understand how the world works the less I want to figure it out.

I only post here when I'm all downer and stuff. I don't want you to think that I just mope.

I don't ever want to be a member of the living dead. That is what motivates me. I want to be excited about something more than the next level. Because after beating the boss the game is over. I just want to enjoy what I can right now before moving on.

I ask CJ this and I ask you, the other two readers of this blog, now: If you ran into yourself ten years ago and could only tell them one thing, what would it be?

p.s. Ray-J's porn is hilarious and I think the girl is very hot. When she isn't riding Brandy's brother's cock for publicity she should consider running into my myspace and inviting me over for hamburgers, but with waffles as the sandwich bread. That sounds so good right now. The burger not Kim Kardashian, who's kinda dense but kinda hot. On the second hand I'd like that burger over her.